Moments with mom Part 2
My mom was someone who had to deal with a fair share of loss, heartache, and everyday life challenges. Not all that different from most people’s lives. What I am always so grateful for is that amongst the day to day challenges she worked hard to create memories and adventures for my brother and I. When there wasn’t enough money and she couldn’t go to the grocery store for a few more days she made mayonnaise on white bread seem like the biggest treat. There was not a Christmas morning that I can remember where there were no presents under the tree, a big feast to eat with family and friends and memories that I have brought into my own family traditions. I think back now and I am so in awe how she pulled it all off. One year my mom thought it would be great to buy an old Volkswagen van. It was a way for her to give us “Disneyland” in a whole different way. There was no shortage of adventures in that thing. Most of them involved pushing it down a hill to actually get it started.
Before she started to show signs of Alzheimer’s’ she was constantly trying to capture the moments of her life. I recently found a guest book that she had started in 1987. Throughout the pages are different gatherings that she hosted, with name, date and comments about the event from those that were there. It was so fun to read through this little slice of moments of her life. She also had boxes and boxes of photos and when she was out and about she would often say “now that would make a great photo”. It was like she knew deep down that she was going to need to have these memories captured one way or another at a later date.
Photos became a part of her early dementia. She would go through them constantly. Trying to organize them into order, giving them to my brother and I, and would always bring them out when we were together. As I look back now the photos were an opportunity for her to hang onto the memories. To be able to tell a story or have a story told to her. When we moved her into long term care, I put together a bunch of picture collages for her room. I wanted the people who cared for her to be able to see more than her dementia and to be able to see parts of the life she had lived. She recognized the faces and knew the people in the photos were people who loved her, even if she could not verbalize to others who all the faces were.
A few years ago I decided to take a selfie of my mom each time we were together. It was a way to capture a moment in time. It was 5-10 seconds of us forgetting that there was this horrible disease that was taking over. I have come to appreciate that to experience joy we must experience sadness. You really can not experience one without the other. The selfies represent the joy, and reminded me to always see the person in that moment…..my mom.
I am participating in the climb for Alzheimer’s’ on September 24th and every step I take I know she will be with me, smiling for the selfie and telling me “That would make a great photo”. https://alzheimerbc.akaraisin.com/ui/climbforalzheimers22/p/momentswithmom
